Wind

Don’t worry
they said

A chinook is coming
they said

It’ll be a lot warmer soon
they said

Feel how much less cold the wind is
they said

Why are you clinging to that tree as blowing snow smacks you in the face?
they said

Chinooks are the best
they said

Hurricane Remnants

Goodbye
Patricia
you saucy minx
you peed on Toronto
and the next day
you farted on Toronto
and it seems
the main benefit to me
was that your bodily functions
made it impossible for the people
jackhammering the living daylights out of my apartment building
to do so
meaning that for forty-eight hours
blissful silence prevailed
it was a rainy silence
and it was a windy silence
but it was also a silent silence
which is something I wish I had today
so farewell
Patricia
I shall miss you
very much indeed

12 Lessons Learned During a Birthday Party for a Grown-Up Lady Who Has the Right Idea About Life

1) It is entirely possible
to play a life-sized version
of Hungry Hungry Hippos
with the aid
of wheelie carts
and laundry baskets
and hundreds of coloured plastic balls

2) pushing adults around
on wheelie carts
requires upper body strength

3) ball-pit balls
are affected by wind

4) always be the orange hippo
as the wind will blow the balls
into your corner

5) when you use laundry baskets
to simulate hippo mouths
be aware
that the one with the broken handle
is going to leave scars

6) there goes the wind again

7) crash helmets are essential
but even so
it is not okay to ram your hippo violently
headfirst
into a concrete wall

8) the fastest hippo gets all the balls
especially if it is the orange one

9) the extra balls that are actually water balloons
are going to get tangled up in your laundry basket
and cause half your ball-pit balls to escape
and promptly blow over towards
the orange hippo

10) eventually
you will get tired
and retire to play
a new version of Twister you have just invented
which is more fun than the original
and involves a lot of screaming

11) when you go to clean up
start with the orange hippo’s corner
since all the balls
will be over there

12) cake tastes better
when it is hippo-themed

Rain Threat

Surely it’s going to rain
because the report says it is
and we all
look anxiously
at the sky

But it isn’t raining
oh my God A CLOUD
A TERRIBLE CLOUD
A—
nope
still not raining
though the wind just blew my hat off

I thought the weather people
had projected a thunderstorm
so where’s all the rain at?
It’s hard to be this anxious
for several hours in a row

It didn’t rain
and I’m relieved
and also disappointed
at the same time