Modern Pentathlon

What happens when
you take an athletic discipline that
quite literally has “five” in its name
and declare that it consists of four events?

Probably
the universe explodes
in despair at the contradiction
and a swarm of unfamiliar horses
pick up laser guns
and attack the swimming fencers

Modern pentathlon isn’t sexy
and is never shown on TV
but for crying out loud:
it has laser guns

LASER GUNS

LASER

GUNS

which makes it the geekiest sport ever
and entirely worthy
of our devotion