Delicate Spring

Spring is spNEVER MIND
IT’S SUMMER
SUMMER IS HERE
IT’S GOING TO BE HOT AND HUMID FOREVER
HA HA
SILLY HUMAN
PUT AWAY THAT SWEATER
YOU’LL NEVER USE IT AGAIN
THERE ARE NO SWEATERS HERE
AND NO SOCKS

But it’s still only MaHA HA HA HA NO
YOU LOSE
CRY BABY CRY
I HOPE YOUR WIFI SIGNAL
REACHES YOUR BACKYARD
OH HEY IT DOESN’T
YOU ARE SUCH A SUCKER

When is it going to be faIT’S NOT
SO STOP LIVING IN HOPE
IT WILL BE SUMMER
UNTIL THE END OF TIME
NOW LET’S SEE SOME REJOICING
REJOICE
MONKEY
REJOICE

Plus Humidity

Oh look
32̊C
that’s not that bad
I’m sure it will be fine
and we’ll frolic in the sunshine
with puppies and porpoises

81% humidity
is surely not that big a deal
probably just a blip in the readings
so let’s get to that frolicking
and maybe some vigorous dancing

I don’t understand why I feel
as if someone has sucked
all the energy out of the world
with a straw made of steaming water

too hot
must melt
brain fried

hope lost
no puppies

help me

Rule #1

The first rule of summer
is that you will catch an awful cold in the middle of it
and the cold will involve a headache
and the headache will stop you from doing the things
you would normally do while having an awful cold
and at one point
you will attempt to listen to Stephen Fry’s audiobook version
of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone on YouTube
and you will get a chapter in and find it very funny
but then someone will take it down because you’re actually supposed to be paying for it
and then you will be sad because you didn’t even get to the bit about the closet
and your head still hurts and you want to be drawing comics
and maybe writing a book or something but there’s a cold in the way
and you keep wondering about Harry Potter and all the people in cloaks
and you probably have a fever
which is terrible

Time Flies

Will you please slow down, July?
I would like this summer to last forever
but it is going crazy fast
and soon it will be September
and the marking will begin again,
the terrible terrible marking.

July, I need to punch you in the face with Time
so you will become afraid of it
and go hide under a bench somewhere.
And then I need to do something productive
instead of sitting around
wishing it wasn’t mid-July already.

August:
stay the hell out of my life
and let July last for a little bit longer.
I am not ready
to let it go.

The Rain Is Raining

Look at the rain raining
from the rainclouds
no cannibal rainbows this time
just rain rain
rain rain
rain

Why are there so many
poems about rainfall
and is it plagiarism if
you change two important words

How profound the rain is
as it rains on people
who seem surprised to see it
as if the rain is a personal insult
especially on a Monday

Rebel against the tyranny of sky-water
and long for the coming of the endless heat of summer
which will leave you complaining vociferously for weeks