Rainbow Scissors

My rainbow scissors
cut the fabric of reality
in a jagged diagonal
because they feel like it
because they represent happiness
because they are not afraid
of sitting down next to the wrong girl
in the cafeteria
at lunchtime



Stripe on blanket
followed by other stripe
followed by other stripe
the stripes
the terrible
imbued with evil
or at least disdain
how I long to clutch them
and turn them into metaphors
rainbow STRIPES
as a rainbow
is really just
rainbow stripes
in the sky

Election Promises

I promise
that if I am elected
there will be unicorns everywhere
so many unicorns
most of them purple
enough to start a whole unicorn society
at which point people will start claiming
the unicorns are taking our jobs
and look for ways
to revoke their citizenship

I promise
that if I am elected
butterflies will fly out of my nose
every day
except maybe not on weekends
since on weekends I’ll be busy dealing with the unicorn problem
and eventually we’ll cut back on the butterflies
until there aren’t any at all
which I’ll appreciate
as it’s not fun
when butterflies fly out of your nose

I promise
that if I am elected
I won’t be anything like those other people
who are really incarnations of Satan
as you can tell because they hate butterflies
and unicorns
and noses
so it will be much better to let me lead you
because I am not an incarnation of Satan

I promise
that if I am elected
everyone will cheer
and there will be rainbows
which we will not tax
of course
though it’s possible we’ll pay for them
by shutting down the CBC


There is dust in the watering hole
and nothing will ever be the same again
except the tips of the squirrels
and their gleeful little hats
and somebody’s leftover rainbow

Grieve for the pudding
which is not like other puddings
and cheer for the pudding
which is not like other puddings

Follow the rattlesnake
Jenny Cooper
and lash it
to the tongue
of its enemy


I woke up this morning
and there were rainbows all over the Internet
rainbows everywhere
on all the pages
and bouncing all over Twitter
and sneaking into the Facebook avatars
all rainbow-like

and I thought
hey weird
I wonder what’s up with all these rainbows
and I went to have breakfast
and blowed if there weren’t rainbows in my cereal
and floating in my glass of orange juice

I said
this seems like a trend
and I turned around to find
that my clothes had turned into rainbows
which has admittedly become a bit of a problem
so if anyone has some pants I can borrow
please let me know

I have managed to turn one of the rainbows—
the one that used to be my bathroom door—
into an awesome laser that also makes little tiny unicorns
so now I have unicorns all over my apartment
and they are five inches high and like to cuddle in my rainbow blankets
as we binge-watch ‘80s TV on Netflix

I am expecting eventually the rainbows will become less obvious
and the unicorns will wander off to form a civilisation
and I will get my pants back
but for now
it’s kind of fun to have rainbows everywhere
and no pants anywhere
and extra unicorns for all

The Rain Is Raining

Look at the rain raining
from the rainclouds
no cannibal rainbows this time
just rain rain
rain rain

Why are there so many
poems about rainfall
and is it plagiarism if
you change two important words

How profound the rain is
as it rains on people
who seem surprised to see it
as if the rain is a personal insult
especially on a Monday

Rebel against the tyranny of sky-water
and long for the coming of the endless heat of summer
which will leave you complaining vociferously for weeks

Rain Fall

is water falling
oh the water falling
mother the sky is crying
mother the sky is hoping
I will look up at it
and smile a rainbow

are not made of water
and sometimes they are double or triple
or even complete circles
which is cool
lo the rainbows
made from the skin of infants

Cannibal rainbows!
They hunt in the shadows
cast by the souls of unicorns
mother the sky is running away
from the rainbow teeth

I saw a rainbow yesterday
and I knew
it did not mean particularly well
despite its pretty colours