The World’s Most Comfortable Seat Cushion

Better
than chocolate
smoother
than smooth jazz
more magnificent
than one of those tiny ponies
O cushion
of loveliness
caress
my buttocks
with your whispery softness
you stunning
miracle
of science

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I Forgive the Pony of Love

It isn’t your fault
little love pony
that love turns everybody problematic

You do your best
to bring the world together
in worship of cheesy song lyrics

But no one understands
what an excruciating
uphill battle you have

The hate owl is always lurking
and regurgitates steaming mouse bits
on all your happily ever afters

What Is Love?

Is it a grey carpet
with red strands ground into it
and you don’t know where the red strands came from
and the vacuum doesn’t pick them up
and you end up removing them by hand
for forty-five minutes?

Is it two pumpkins
on the verge of going bad
three and a half weeks
before Hallowe’en
because for some reason
grocery stores have been selling pumpkins
since early September?

Is it a piano
that someone just rolled
over someone else’s foot
prompting screams of agony
and a visit to the emergency room?

Is it the wrong end of a fork
used to thwack you across the knuckles
for trying to sneak
the last piece of pie
on a night when
everyone needs pie
because the whole day has been terrible?

No

It is a pony

Pony

I do not
have a pony
you do not
have a pony
where
is the pony
where
is it
where
has it gone
I am longing
for the pony
like a pony
loving person
please
pony me
pony me
hard
and we shall
all have
ponies
forever

Ponies

Ponies everywhere
multicoloured ponies
covered with chocolate
metaphorical ponies
representing anxiety

Why
ponies
why
do you prance across my bookshelves
and eat all the dust bunnies
oh
the dust bunnies

Curl up
ponies
into tiny pony balls
and do not transform
into the spiders
I know you are really