There Is a Pony in Her Walk

There is a pony in her walk
a nice brown pony with white socks
but when I point this out to her
she tries to brain me with a pipe
and she will never tell me why
and she will never tell me why


I Forgive the Pony of Love

It isn’t your fault
little love pony
that love turns everybody problematic

You do your best
to bring the world together
in worship of cheesy song lyrics

But no one understands
what an excruciating
uphill battle you have

The hate owl is always lurking
and regurgitates steaming mouse bits
on all your happily ever afters

What Is Love?

Is it a grey carpet
with red strands ground into it
and you don’t know where the red strands came from
and the vacuum doesn’t pick them up
and you end up removing them by hand
for forty-five minutes?

Is it two pumpkins
on the verge of going bad
three and a half weeks
before Hallowe’en
because for some reason
grocery stores have been selling pumpkins
since early September?

Is it a piano
that someone just rolled
over someone else’s foot
prompting screams of agony
and a visit to the emergency room?

Is it the wrong end of a fork
used to thwack you across the knuckles
for trying to sneak
the last piece of pie
on a night when
everyone needs pie
because the whole day has been terrible?


It is a pony


I do not
have a pony
you do not
have a pony
is the pony
is it
has it gone
I am longing
for the pony
like a pony
loving person
pony me
pony me
and we shall
all have


Ponies everywhere
multicoloured ponies
covered with chocolate
metaphorical ponies
representing anxiety

do you prance across my bookshelves
and eat all the dust bunnies
the dust bunnies

Curl up
into tiny pony balls
and do not transform
into the spiders
I know you are really


is like a box of chocolates
stolen by a mysterious man
riding on a pony
descended from the emperor
of an equestrian planet
discovered in 1849
by scientists secretly launched into space
as park of a medieval programme
initiated by the King of Spain
whose wife
was a foundling
with magical powers
resulting from her mother’s otherworldly ancestry
and tendency to find enchanted swords
which in turn
had resulted from an accident with a time machine
created in 2286
in Kenya
by a think tank
making one last desperate attempt
to save the human race from itself
because of the worldwide disaster
that could be traced back to the day
a couple from Hong Kong
opened a box of chocolates
and chose the wrong one