I need
my pants
but they don’t
need me
and have started
a commune
in Michigan
which is very
at this time
of year

Where Are My Books?

Where are they?
I cannot find them.
Perhaps the squirrels have stolen them
like in that picture book
is sitting on top of my couch
for some reason
so that I see it every morning
and always have the urge
to write a poem about it

I suppose
I just spoiled the picture book
for everyone who has not read it yet
which is unfortunate
and cruel of me
but for crying out loud
where are my books?
It seems odd that I cannot find them
as I have several thousand
and they generally end up in piles
all over my floor

I hope I am not attacked
by legions of rabid picture-book fans
and squirrels
angry that I have given away the twist ending
and/or the nefarious cunning of squirrels everywhere
but let’s face it
we already knew about the squirrels

Please tell me if you find my books
and my shoes
and my plane ticket
and the joy I take in marking term papers
and my pants
oh yes
but obviously
my books
most of all


I woke up this morning
and there were rainbows all over the Internet
rainbows everywhere
on all the pages
and bouncing all over Twitter
and sneaking into the Facebook avatars
all rainbow-like

and I thought
hey weird
I wonder what’s up with all these rainbows
and I went to have breakfast
and blowed if there weren’t rainbows in my cereal
and floating in my glass of orange juice

I said
this seems like a trend
and I turned around to find
that my clothes had turned into rainbows
which has admittedly become a bit of a problem
so if anyone has some pants I can borrow
please let me know

I have managed to turn one of the rainbows—
the one that used to be my bathroom door—
into an awesome laser that also makes little tiny unicorns
so now I have unicorns all over my apartment
and they are five inches high and like to cuddle in my rainbow blankets
as we binge-watch ‘80s TV on Netflix

I am expecting eventually the rainbows will become less obvious
and the unicorns will wander off to form a civilisation
and I will get my pants back
but for now
it’s kind of fun to have rainbows everywhere
and no pants anywhere
and extra unicorns for all