Plan

I’ll get through 30 of these things today

Well
I got through only 15
but that’s okay
‘cause tomorrow
I’ll do 45

Hmm
I did 12
so to meet the deadline
I now need to do 70 a day
I guess I can handle that

12 again

I wonder what’s on Netflix

Scary Voice

HELLO STUDENTS
I AM USING MY SCARY VOICE
IN ORDER TO IMPRESS UPON YOU
CERTAIN HOME TRUTHS
INVOLVING THE ZERO SECONDS YOU SPENT EDITING THAT PAPER
AND THE FACT THAT YOUR BIBLIOGRAPHY IS NOT IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER
AND YOUR STRANGE HABIT OF LIFTING INFORMATION FROM THE INTERNET
AND THE VAGUENESS OF THE “FAMILY EMERGENCY” THAT HAS PREVENTED YOU FROM FINISHING AN ASSIGNMENT THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN WORKING ON FOR A MONTH AND A HALF BUT NOW SUDDENLY SOME “EMERGENCY” HAS HAPPENED WITH YOUR “FAMILY” AND YOU ARE ASSUMING I WON’T ASK FOR DOCUMENTATION BUT OH BELIEVE ME I AM FREAKING ASKING FOR FREAKING DOCUMENTATION AND I SINCERELY HOPE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE WELL
AND YOUR MISUSE OF APOSTROPHES

Where Are My Books?

Where are they?
I cannot find them.
Perhaps the squirrels have stolen them
like in that picture book
which
coincidentally
is sitting on top of my couch
for some reason
so that I see it every morning
and always have the urge
to write a poem about it

I suppose
I just spoiled the picture book
for everyone who has not read it yet
which is unfortunate
and cruel of me
but for crying out loud
where are my books?
It seems odd that I cannot find them
as I have several thousand
and they generally end up in piles
all over my floor

I hope I am not attacked
by legions of rabid picture-book fans
and squirrels
angry that I have given away the twist ending
and/or the nefarious cunning of squirrels everywhere
but let’s face it
we already knew about the squirrels

Please tell me if you find my books
and my shoes
and my plane ticket
and the joy I take in marking term papers
and my pants
oh yes
but obviously
my books
most of all