My love for you
is like a parcel
full of things
that haven’t yet been paid for
and now you’re all worried
because the items in the parcel
aren’t really yours yet
at all

Love Poem for Sale

Love poem for sale
fresh from the pen
of fourteen-year-old
Laura Williams
who is not in love with anyone
but recognises that love poems
are expected of teenage girls
and has moved preemptively
to produce poetry just terrible enough
that no one will detect the cynicism
lurking beneath the gushing description
of the boy Laura imagines
every other girl is crushing on
and turning the clumsy words
into metaphors
for little half-knowing smiles


What is love?

What a stupid question

But what is love

Do you seriously not have
anything better to do?

Should I?

I hope you’re enjoying
wasting my time

It’s great
isn’t it?

I hate you
so much

What is hate?

Oh piss off

I Forgive the Pony of Love

It isn’t your fault
little love pony
that love turns everybody problematic

You do your best
to bring the world together
in worship of cheesy song lyrics

But no one understands
what an excruciating
uphill battle you have

The hate owl is always lurking
and regurgitates steaming mouse bits
on all your happily ever afters

What Is Love?

Is it a grey carpet
with red strands ground into it
and you don’t know where the red strands came from
and the vacuum doesn’t pick them up
and you end up removing them by hand
for forty-five minutes?

Is it two pumpkins
on the verge of going bad
three and a half weeks
before Hallowe’en
because for some reason
grocery stores have been selling pumpkins
since early September?

Is it a piano
that someone just rolled
over someone else’s foot
prompting screams of agony
and a visit to the emergency room?

Is it the wrong end of a fork
used to thwack you across the knuckles
for trying to sneak
the last piece of pie
on a night when
everyone needs pie
because the whole day has been terrible?


It is a pony