Life Is Not

life is not
what you thought it would be

you thought you
would be famous

and successful
and loved

you fell through a magic portal

and have now freed
a great nation with your enchanted sword

life is full
of disappointments

You’re Supposed to Eat the Icing Last

is meaningful
like a sunset
at the end of a long day
and you should live it
to the fullest
embracing every clichéd utterance about it
with every fibre of your being
because clichés
are actually life lessons
in disguise

Take that
Ms. O’Malley
the worst high-school English teacher ever

It Is Not to Be

It is not to be
that you and I will
know what is to be
for we are young
and free
and filled with oatmeal
and thus
we shall punch the world in the face
punch our lives in the face
punch those nosy neighbours in the kneecaps
and run
into the automobile of life
and get stuck in all the intersections


is like a misbehaving poodle
that gets into a brawl
with a leftover cheese sandwich
fighting so passionately
and so badly
that a poet is inspired
to write an epic
in which the poodle appears
as a mighty warrior
and the cheese sandwich is a dragon
and the poem is read for six hundred years
and taught to bored literature students
with improbably small vocabularies


There is an ocarina
behind my couch cushions
a ceramic ocarina
on a string
I forgot I owned it
but there it is

Now it is sitting on top of my couch
which I think is where it started
and doubtless it will soon
slip behind the cushions again

This is a metaphor
for life