Feels Like 45̊C

Curse you
mystical penguin of humidity
for ridiculously deciding
to make the temperature feel
twelve degrees hotter
than it actually is

September should be a time of falling leaves
and brisk breezes
and visiting Australians shivering in down-filled coats
as Canadians laugh in their shirt sleeves
and eat ice cream

Go away
mystical penguin
and please
take the blasted humidity with you

Wow

When a tooth extraction
goes horribly wrong
and you spend a week downing
so many pain meds
that you’re pretty sure you’ve given yourself an ulcer
and you have to sing in the evening
and it’s 34̊C plus humidity
and your face feels like half of it is melting into a puddle of pain
and the postal lady won’t let you mail your packages
because she says they’re too heavy and they’ll cost you too much and
one of them is going to Japan
for crying out loud
and you have twenty-three customs forms to fill in
plus eighteen more later on
but you can’t concentrate on that because of the appalling pain
and your dentist can’t see you for another forty minutes
generally you just write a terrible poem
and hope for the best.

Persistent Cough

You arbiter of unicorn weddings
tangled in the insidious perfidious cumulative matriculation
of snail species stuffed into goose eggs:

Get out
go back
to the pink candy land in which you gestated
and play the ukuleles
all the ukuleles
out of tune because of the humidity

A pox on you
and your mother
and your pet lion
whose name is Chad

Chad is my friend

Good Chad

Plus Humidity

Oh look
32̊C
that’s not that bad
I’m sure it will be fine
and we’ll frolic in the sunshine
with puppies and porpoises

81% humidity
is surely not that big a deal
probably just a blip in the readings
so let’s get to that frolicking
and maybe some vigorous dancing

I don’t understand why I feel
as if someone has sucked
all the energy out of the world
with a straw made of steaming water

too hot
must melt
brain fried

hope lost
no puppies

help me