Poem Horses

The horses of the night
are being pretentious
all over the inside
of my poem

I cannot stop them
even though
they are just horses
and imaginary ones at that

I shall lodge
a complaint
with the wizard
who lives in that tower

but the wizard
is imaginary too
and the horses
are not impressed at all

Advertisements

Ridiculous

You are
ridiculous
like my horse
oh
my horse
oh
your manners
so ridiculous
so equine
so polite

Return of the Horse Potatoes

HORSE POTATOES
IN MY BASEMENT
IN CAPITAL LETTERS
WITHOUT PUNCTUATION
STEALING CHILDREN
CREATING PHONE APPS
EXORCISING DEMONS
BORROWING FROM YEATS
DO NOT APPROACH THEM
DO NOT OFFEND THEM
THEY ARE THE HORSE POTATOES
OUR POTATO OVERLORDS
AND WE APPRECIATE
ALL THEY HAVE DONE

No Horse Potatoes Here

No horse potatoes here
please
take your horse potatoes elsewhere

What do you mean
those aren’t horse potatoes
you have never heard of horse potatoes
you think I have lost my mind because
I keep going on about horse potatoes

Horse potatoes are the future
the past
but also the future
and we don’t want them here

Take your horse potatoes over there
to where those other people are standing

They are the people of the horse potatoes
while we are the people of the lack of horse potatoes

It should be perfectly clear
and yet here you still are
with your horse potatoes

No
I am not willing
to calm down
and start making sense

HORSE POTATOES FOR EVERYONE

Now you’ve done it

Modern Pentathlon

What happens when
you take an athletic discipline that
quite literally has “five” in its name
and declare that it consists of four events?

Probably
the universe explodes
in despair at the contradiction
and a swarm of unfamiliar horses
pick up laser guns
and attack the swimming fencers

Modern pentathlon isn’t sexy
and is never shown on TV
but for crying out loud:
it has laser guns

LASER GUNS

LASER

GUNS

which makes it the geekiest sport ever
and entirely worthy
of our devotion