Fan

I have acquired
a little fan
and I must praise it
ALL HAIL THE LITTLE FAN
which at least gives the impression
of making it less unbearably hot
even if it’s really just
moving the warm air around

Heat

Stop turning up the heat
stop it
you’re insane
your father is insane
everyone in your family is insane
it’s thirty degrees in here
yes
I mean Celsius
no
I can’t take any more clothes off
all my clothes are gone
I’m naked
and don’t understand
why you’re huddling into
your six sweaters like that

Sumer

Sumer is icumen in
lhude sing holy crap it’s hot
it’s so hot
the birds don’t land on the sidewalk
for fear of blistering their tiny feet
so hot
it’s possible to collect enough sweat in a little jar
to pickle an entire egg
so hot
people are posting pictures of cars trapped in snow
and mocking us for complaining about the heat
damn you
Sumer
damn you to hell
along with the rest of ancient Mesopotamia

Plus Humidity

Oh look
32̊C
that’s not that bad
I’m sure it will be fine
and we’ll frolic in the sunshine
with puppies and porpoises

81% humidity
is surely not that big a deal
probably just a blip in the readings
so let’s get to that frolicking
and maybe some vigorous dancing

I don’t understand why I feel
as if someone has sucked
all the energy out of the world
with a straw made of steaming water

too hot
must melt
brain fried

hope lost
no puppies

help me

The Rain Is Raining

Look at the rain raining
from the rainclouds
no cannibal rainbows this time
just rain rain
rain rain
rain

Why are there so many
poems about rainfall
and is it plagiarism if
you change two important words

How profound the rain is
as it rains on people
who seem surprised to see it
as if the rain is a personal insult
especially on a Monday

Rebel against the tyranny of sky-water
and long for the coming of the endless heat of summer
which will leave you complaining vociferously for weeks