In the end
the gods entirely missed the moment the mighty hero
overcome by hubris
propelled himself into an inevitable spiral of disaster
culminating in self-mutilation
the destruction of a great nation
and quite a lot of agonised soliloquizing
all of which would have far-reaching repercussions
and remake the political structure of several distinct societies
over the course of the next three centuries

Apollo had scored everyone Star Wars tickets
so understandably
divine attention was elsewhere


Good Food

Here you go
Have this delicious meal prepared for you by me
your loving wife
whom of course you love back
and I’m sure you would never do anything to hurt me
for instance
and understand I’m just spitballing here
violently violating my little sister
and holding her prisoner
cutting out her tongue
I mean
this is just purely a hypothetical situation
since I know you would never do anything like that
so eat up
The meat is steaming in the pot
and I’ve taken extra care
to season it just the way you like it
my darling

Parental Advice

You know
I understand
your need to rebel against paternal authority
find your own way
do your own thing
reach for the stars
and all that
but kid
you are flying through the air on wings held together by wax
which may certainly be a bit of a design flaw
and I’m sure you can nag your dad about it once you escape
and are safe on land again
it’s just that at the moment
maybe you should exercise a bit of common sense
and not insist on being such a teenager

never mind
he’s dead now

Bad Decision

it’s hard to see
how you could ever have thought
this would end in your favour

so your weaving is awesome
but you just insulted a goddess
and then
when she actually turned up to do some actual weaving with you
you insulted her again

It’s understandable
that you should rebel
against an immortal bully with an inflated sense of her own craft skills
but we’re still talking a goddess here
so maybe calm the hell down
and pretend to be less fantastic than you are

Oh wait
you’re a spider now
that went well

Please stop crawling up the inside of my pants


Sisyphus is all like
I don’t know
maybe one more time will do it
maybe if I roll that thing up the hill just one more time
it will stick there at the top
and not roll down again
and I can go off to the pub
and have a pint
or whatever they serve in the Ancient Greek underworld
maybe a glass of wine
with fire in it
I mean
I could really go for one of those pomegranates right now
or some olives or something
but luckily
I’m almost there
just a few more shoves should do it
oh here we are it’s the pub for me—