F

Dear 2016:
You make some interesting observations
in this paper
but you also have a tendency
to stop in the middle of an otherwise logical argument
and announce
LET’S BURN THIS MOTHER DOWN
which does not help develop your thesis
and renders your essay scattered
confusing
and liable to invoke limitless rage

Next time
please be more objective
and go beyond gut reaction

Your work is currently not adequate
and will receive a failing grade

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Essay

Since the dawn of time
man has written this essay
which will discuss the role
of irony
language
and metaphor
in the themes
the author is discussing

To start
the author uses irony
because it is ironic
that the author is writing
about this subject
which is a subject
that is ironic itself

Secondly
the author uses language
unlike other authors
and through language
he writes words
with meanings
that are interesting

Lastly
the author uses metaphor
in these four places
which I shall describe in detail
ending the paragraph
with a block quotation

In conclusion
I have discussed irony
language
and metaphor
in this essay
which has concluded
that the author
has discussed what he has discussed
in a way that gives meaning
to the themes he discusses
in this essay

Mess

look at all
the little plastic dinosaurs
rampaging over
the coffee table
in pursuit of
the ukulele string
that accidentally ensnared
the crocheted octopus
in the middle
of the sea of essays
that should really
be back in my office