Merry Christmas
I’m sure you’re having a great day
of course
Krampus snatched up your children last night
and beat them with a bundle of birch rods
and shoved them in his sack
and carted them off to Hell

if he did that
your children probably deserved it
and possibly you are currently slightly relieved
and have quietly confiscated the candy you were going to give your children
and are eating it in front of the TV
while not being interrupted
by bratty screams of anger
at presents that are the wrong shade of aquamarine

I hope Hell
has a beautiful sunrise