Not Again

Life is like
a pile of essays

You always know
what you’re going to get

You’re going
to get essays

They will not
make you happy

And then
you’ll die

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Alps on Alps

It’s amazing
how you can spend all day
organising things
which really just means
you make a bunch of piles on your couch
but in the end
those piles have to go somewhere
and since there’s nowhere to put them
they end up back in the space
you have spent all day clearing
and inevitably
slide back
into chaos

Piles

Take things from this pile
and put them in that pile
but now that pile is threatening to collapse
so take things from that pile
and put them in the other pile
which is already huge
and has to be split into those piles
and now we are running out of space for piles
so we move things from those piles
into this pile
and the cycle
begins
again

Election Promises

I promise
that if I am elected
there will be unicorns everywhere
so many unicorns
most of them purple
enough to start a whole unicorn society
at which point people will start claiming
the unicorns are taking our jobs
and look for ways
to revoke their citizenship

I promise
that if I am elected
butterflies will fly out of my nose
every day
except maybe not on weekends
since on weekends I’ll be busy dealing with the unicorn problem
and eventually we’ll cut back on the butterflies
until there aren’t any at all
which I’ll appreciate
as it’s not fun
when butterflies fly out of your nose

I promise
that if I am elected
I won’t be anything like those other people
who are really incarnations of Satan
as you can tell because they hate butterflies
and unicorns
and noses
so it will be much better to let me lead you
because I am not an incarnation of Satan
yet

I promise
that if I am elected
everyone will cheer
and there will be rainbows
which we will not tax
of course
though it’s possible we’ll pay for them
by shutting down the CBC