Scottish

Och aye
this be a Scottish poem
me hearties
and we shall sail the se’en seas
and say “ilka” a wee bit
and go LO
THE EXALTED LANGUAGE HATH COME
to Scotland
the Brave

and no
we are not Scottish
but we have a deep
deep
conviction
that we write better Scottish poetry
than people from Scotland
and just look at our rhyme scheme
I mean
look at it
it’s almost perfect
not clunky and tone deaf at all

Avast
mateys
have some haggis
and look at how Scottishly old-fashioned we are
which is the way things should be
since otherwise
we’ll have to think about all those uppity people whom we claim
could not possibly come close to being Scottish
or
more pertinently
Scotsmen

All hail the orange light of dawn
ye sons of somewhere craggy
and swab the decks
for yo ho ho
and a bottle
of whatever
they drink
in Scotland

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