Shocking how
the shoes didn’t fit
after you claimed they would

We’re all averting
our eyes and looking embarrassed
because you lied about the shoes

Shame on you

it has been a slow news day
why do you ask?




bet you
didn’t expect
that word
in a poem
entitled “Surprise”

Tee hee


You roll your eyes
and tell me to chill
as 2016 is not sentient
and is not really trying to kill us all

That’s what you think
I say
and go to find
my bazooka

2016 hunts at night
and morning
and mid-afternoon
and has no more mercy than any other predator

I sometimes wonder
if ice cream would appease it
but considering the evidence
I’m guessing not

Drowned in Moonlight, Strangled by Her Own Bra

The princess told me
to pick up my own damn blaster
and not sit around waiting
for the boys to show up

The general acknowledged
that happily ever after
was just a pause
on an uncomfortably bumpy journey

The woman didn’t
take life all that seriously
and it sulked and refused to pet
her unexpected bulldog

The writer knew
stories were messy and unsatisfying
and they only very rarely
ended with medals

Dear Santa

I want a pony
and a doll
and Lego
and comics
and computer games

and an army
and dragons
and a birthright steeped in destiny
and sheer determination
and moral ambiguity

and world peace
and a second try at 2016
and a time machine
and another time machine
basically all the time machines

and a lightsaber
and a droid
and the Millennium Falcon
and world peace
and Chewbacca

and the basic decency of all human beings
and a song we can sing together
and the ability to turn nuclear bombs into candy cigarettes
and the wisdom to lead the world into a new era of harmony and understanding
and chocolate