No Woman Over Thirty Should

No woman over thirty
should wear a skirt that shows her knees
since alligators are attracted to knees
and also to women over thirty

No woman over thirty
should go braless
as her unfettered breasts have long since attained sentience
and are already plotting to take over the world

No woman over thirty
should dye her hair blue or green
which are colours that love the young
but devour the souls of the relatively mature

No woman over thirty
should clothe herself in garish patterns
so as to look as little as possible like she does
when she fights crime in her super-suit

No woman over thirty
should pierce anything besides her ears
because women over thirty are inflatable
and it’s sad when the air goes out of them

No woman over thirty
should read lists about women over thirty
which were probably written by women under twenty-five
who don’t know about the alligators yet

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5 thoughts on “No Woman Over Thirty Should

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