Six Absolutely True Fact About Cats

1) A cat that sees its own shadow
will immediately become convinced
that its soul has been sucked into the ground
and is doomed to follow it forever
which is why the cat is always leaping into the air
in an attempt to scare its shadow away

2) Black cats with white bibs
are all named Eustace
even the females
who are very proud of themselves about everything

3) Cats are important to the Internet
because it was invented by cats
from space
in boots
all of them ginger

4) When cats run away from dogs
they are doing it mockingly
and because they are hungry

5) If a cat
falls into a washing machine
and there is nobody there to hear it
it is still putting a curse on you and your unborn children

6) Poems about cats
are automatically problematic
simply because
they have cats in them

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