The Past According to an In-Class Essay That Took Ninety Minutes to Write

Back in the 1970s
when women were enslaved
and expected to be totally passive and obey their husbands absolutely
it was forbidden for wives to vote
and therefore
it’s completely understandable
that there were no female protagonists in novels
not one

In days of old
when Buffy the Vampire Slayer was on television
we had an imperfect understanding of technology
and believed in ghosts and vampires
so our stories were cruder
and full of factual erros

Slavery was abolished
in 1993
and women’s rights were established
in 2006
and in the 1920s
Twitter was not as well used
as it is today

Back in the day
we did not understand
the works of Sigmund Freud
which Shakespeare wrote about
as he and Einstein had tea with Sir Isaac Newton
in the days of Alexander the Great
who defeated Hitler
in the battle of Agincourt

A long time ago
there were no iPhones
but luckily
nothing that happened before their creation
is at all relevant to me

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