Stripy Bag

Stripy bag
sitting on my coffee table
you are replete
with smugness
I see you smirking at me
and stealing my socks
but why?
stripy bag
do you torture me?
You make me sad
and distant
and full of cheese
stripy bag
of desire


Almost Sick

I can feel you
lurking illness
making my throat all bruised
and stuff
stop pretending you’re not there
you’re not as sneaky as
you think you are
and you’re fooling only yourself
which is ridiculous
since you have no sentience
or so I currently assume

Bass Clef

Somebody please tell me
why the bass clef
is not arranged the same way
as the treble clef

would it be that terrible
if they were the same?
Why torture us needlessly
by making them slightly different
so that people who have to use both simultaneously
end up wanting very much to stab someone?

My feelings about the bass clef
may be a bit too similar to my feelings
about certain kinds of cheese


That rabbit
is throwing eggs everywhere
and I don’t understand why

I mean
there are eggs in the trees and
smashed against the side of that house
and Kelsey just went to the bathroom and
you guessed it
there were eggs on the toilet seat
which she unfortunately didn’t notice
so now she’s upset
and still has to pee

That rabbit
is just running around flinging eggs left and right
and they break easily
and there’s yolk all over my pants
and nobody knows how to make the rabbit stop
as it seems to be on some sort of power kick
and can apparently get as many eggs as it wants

That rabbit
must be destroyed
so I shall call in the military
or animal control or something
and maybe a couple of farmers
since they may be able to do something with these eggs

I know I can’t

Breakfast is over
and I really just want things
to settle down


Multi-Grain Cheerios
why are you sweeter
than regular Cheerios?

Aren’t you supposed
to be healthy? Isn’t that
what you’re for?

Why would you tease us
with the hint of healthfulness
then bring on the sugar?

You disappoint me
Multi-Grain Cheerios
though you are also quite delicious

And admittedly
I keep using you as a snack food
and not saving you for breakfast at all

After the Ice Storm

All the lawns are shiny
so shiny
like weirdly soft skating rinks
that don’t work very well
because of all the grass

I think I shall
go skating badly
on the non-skating rinks
the lawns have become
and complain about them being terrible

This is all a metaphor
for that time you saw a girl
in that pub you like
and she laughed at you
and you ate her chicken

Ice Storm

It’s beautiful
when everything is coated
with ice
the tree branches gleaming
and rattling in the wind
that blows more freezing rain
against the sides of buildings

It’s hard to appreciate the beauty
what with all the slipping
and ignominious falling down

So ironic