This Day Is Not Here

This day is not here
and I am not here in this day
which is not a Monday
and not terrible
because it isn’t here
and neither am I

Tomorrow
I won’t look back on
this day that is not here
and lament its problematic nature
because it is not here
and I am not here in it

Posterity
will never speak of this day
or its chronic lack of existence
but will gloss over it
because its hereness
is not a thing I am in

February 29th

Today is the day before
the day that doesn’t fit
the day that sneaks in
shamefacedly
trying to pretend it belongs
but does it?
Does it really?
Is it truly supposed to be here?
Isn’t it here
to steal our jobs
and murder us in our beds
even as we work hard
to pay our taxes
as citizens of
whatever great nation
we happen to belong to?
Should we trust
February 29th?
I say not
I say it’s evil
I say we need
to build a wall
and make March pay for it

Or maybe this is just a leap year

That’s possible too

Heat

Stop turning up the heat
stop it
you’re insane
your father is insane
everyone in your family is insane
it’s thirty degrees in here
yes
I mean Celsius
no
I can’t take any more clothes off
all my clothes are gone
I’m naked
and don’t understand
why you’re huddling into
your six sweaters like that

Twitter

O Twitter
you are so silly
you claim to be useful
but then you’re all
HAVE 140 CHARACTERS OF HORROR FOR NO REASON
ALSO I HATE YOUR CAT
and then everyone retweets the retweets of the retweets of the problematic tweet
and there are tears
and recriminations
and quite a few people end up blocked

The next day
O Twitter
it all begins again
except with more hashtags
and slightly fewer cats

Sleet

The sleet is sleeting all around
on the streets
and the cars
and the trees
and the lawns
and the buildings
and the sleet
yes
the sleet sleets on sleet
and we slip on the sleet
as it sleets on the sleet
and are late for work in the morning

SOUND

WHAT’S THAT
WHAT’S THAT YOU SAY
SORRY
I CAN’T HEAR YOU
IT’S THE DRILLING
THE DRILLING IS EVERYWHERE
OH AND NOW THERE’S A FIRE ALARM
WHICH YOU WOULD THINK MIGHT STOP THE DRILLING
BUT NO
DRILLING DOES NOT STOP FOR FIRE
DRILLING DOES NOT STOP FOR ANYTHING
LET THE DRILLING RUN FREE
LET IT SING
LIKE A CHOIR
THOUGH NOT A VERY GOOD CHOIR
BECAUSE DRILLING IS TERRIBLE
AND I STILL CAN’T HEAR
WHAT YOU’RE SAYING

What a Pretty Day It Is

What a pretty day it is
with the sun shining
and the birds singing
and the unicorns

I am frolicking in traffic
because it’s such a pretty day
and the cars are bouncing around me
with the unicorns

I don’t need clothes today
for clothes are restrictive
and keep me too far away
from the unicorns

Please punch me in the face
so I can stop obsessing over sunshine
and can finally pay less attention
to the unicorns

Instructions

This detailed handout
full of clear and helpful instructions
obviously exists to be ignored
and/or described as “confusing”
in the e-mail you are going to send me
to ask about the instructions in the handout
you have had in your possession
for almost a month and a half