Go to England Already

Silly parcel
I sent you to England
and you came back
so I sent you to England again
and you came back again
two days later
without explanation
so now I am really fricking pissed off
as I apparently just paid fifty bucks
for you to travel six blocks
so this time
you had better go to England
and stay there
with the desserts with funny names


I am slow at that one task
that everyone else is fast at
and when people go
Oh it’s easy
I don’t know what you’re complaining about
I can only stave off the frustrated rage
by thinking quickly about puppies
if necessary


is like a misbehaving poodle
that gets into a brawl
with a leftover cheese sandwich
fighting so passionately
and so badly
that a poet is inspired
to write an epic
in which the poodle appears
as a mighty warrior
and the cheese sandwich is a dragon
and the poem is read for six hundred years
and taught to bored literature students
with improbably small vocabularies


Stress says
oh hey
I’m so glad I caught you
I thought I’d missed you
but no
here you are
so let me just
turn your life
into a frenzied cavalcade of crisis situations
doesn’t that
sound like fun?

One Week of Grumpiness

Today is the one-week anniversary
of the start of my bad mood
which has been relatively unbroken
despite a good thing happening on Sunday

I think I should have a tiny grumpy party
for my bad mood
with ice cream
and candles
and a little hired mariachi band

Maybe we’ll watch a movie together
my bad mood and I
one with lots of explosions
and possibly a superhero

my bad mood will still be here
slouching around my apartment
and complaining
that all the parties are over

Prose Poem

write very quick prose poem argh Wednesday always with the early mornings need to leave now but haven’t pulled my tights up all the way there are still thirty essays from yesterday in my backpack and I need to take them out and replace them with harp music perhaps there’s a metaphor in there somewhere why do I never get the word “backpack” right the first time there is no such thing as a “packback” oh look it’s 7:39 I need to leave right now I am no good at this whole “morning” thing

Ode to a USB Keyboard

O USB keyboard
I quite like you
as you are not malfunctioning
and do not yet have breadcrumbs
stuck under your keys
meaning that every time I want to type the letter “s”
I have to jam my finger down so hard
that I end up injuring myself
and then we get the swearing
and the vague threats of physical damage
and it’s all
just a little bit sordid

I’m sure you will eventually
work as badly as everything else electronic I own
but for now
little USB keyboard
alleviator of terrible frustration