The saddest of the monsters
is the sheet ghost
mournfully drifting around
in its insubstantial sheet
hollow eyes imbued with the wistful knowledge
that on Hallowe’en
only the laziest children
will imitate it

The sheet ghost
does not remember why
it is eternally sheet covered
but it does remember
that one time in life it went to the pub
and ended up punching someone in the face
and it clings to that desperately

If you meet a sheet ghost
throw pennies at it
this will not help
but you will
at the very least
get rid of some pennies

The sheet ghost is to be pitied
but don’t introduce it to your cat
as sheet ghosts and cats get along very well
and your cat just doesn’t need
more excuses to ignore you


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