Because I Like Waking Up Eleven Times in the Middle of the Night

I have heard
that some people are capable
of getting “mild colds”
that are over in a day and a half
and cause nothing but a few sniffles
and a throat tingle or two

They are generally
the sort of people
who see you huddled
red-nosed and constantly sneezing
in the middle of an enormous drift of used tissues
and cheerfully assure you
that they know how you feel
because they had a cough once
though it went away an hour later

I would like a way
to give these people my headache
as well as my sore throat
my constant coughing fits
and quite a lot of my mucus

Also
the next time I hear the words
“It’s just a cold”
there is definitely going to be blood

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