you are terrible
crouching in the middle of the week
with your claws extended
and your fangs bared
waiting for the unsuspecting
to wander across your path



It is a grey day
and I’m pretty sure
the sun is gone forever
which means
party time
no more jobs
no more taxes
no more election speeches
no more non-sugary cereals
let’s just burn it all down
with unicorns on top
then spend the rest of the day
at the zoo
so we no longer have to
wonder where the lions are


Her name is Supermoon!
Her gravity-defying anatomy
is covered in clinging spandex
as she fights crime
by revolving around things
and reflecting light

People have been known to walk all over her
but not since 1972 or thereabouts
as she is comfortable in her role
as a powerful woman
and can also crush her enemies
by sitting on them

she goes dark
turns a deep red
and frustrates everyone
by calmly hiding
behind the clouds

We see her floating up in the sky
and we know
the city is safe for another night
and we can go about our business
while waiting patiently
for her next appearance


There is dust in the watering hole
and nothing will ever be the same again
except the tips of the squirrels
and their gleeful little hats
and somebody’s leftover rainbow

Grieve for the pudding
which is not like other puddings
and cheer for the pudding
which is not like other puddings

Follow the rattlesnake
Jenny Cooper
and lash it
to the tongue
of its enemy

Two-Hour Walk

I just went on a two-hour walk
and enjoyed it
so put that in your pipe and smoke it
you think you can catch me
but I can walk forever
or at least for two hours
through this suburban nightmare
and every one of my steps is meaningful
unlike yours


So I was watching
2001: A Space Odyssey
except it had scenes that weren’t in the actual movie
which didn’t bother me at all
though I was bothered by the scene
where Discovery had to make its way through all the space rocks
and then immediately ended up back on Earth
on a beach
in the sunshine
and I went
where is the bit with the monolith and the space baby?
but the people from the alternate universe to which I had travelled
assured me that the movie had always been like that
and then showed me their technology
which was nothing like the technology from my world
and in fact they were puzzled by the idea of computers and smartphones and found them funny
and I began to realise why the film was so different in their world
and contained no space babies at all
and I woke up determined to write a story set in that universe
though as it turned out
it had really just been a stupid idea all along

Happy Surprise

Why hello
little shard of bone
hidden unexpectedly
in the hole
where my wisdom tooth used to be

Have you
come out
to visit me?

Are you
in fact
trying to force your way violently
through my gums
in such a way
that the pain you are causing
is stopping me from chewing
and even talking?

How wonderful!

We shall have such ecstatic times together
when you finally emerge