There was once a girl named Cleolinda
because that is a properly unexpected name
that makes her unique
but I won’t tell you anything else about her
except that she was good and kind and sweet.
That will make you like her immediately
So Cleolinda was persecuted by everybody
because she was good and kind and sweet
and also beautiful
Her stepmother hated her.
Her stepsisters hated her.
Her female classmates hated her
because her male classmates didn’t.
But Cleolinda didn’t realise she attracted all the boys
because she had no idea how beautiful she was.
Isn’t this a great story?
Then bad things happened
and I’ll tell you just how Cleolinda felt about them
without actually showing her doing anything that would
make her feel the feelings
since that would take too long
and probably involve dialogue
and I don’t really
know how to write dialogue.
In the end
everything turned out all right:
that one boy Cleolinda secretly liked liked her too
and he was hunky and rich and all the girls wanted him
and you are going to sigh with longing
as you read about how
this boy and Cleolinda flung themselves into each other’s arms.
The good characters won the lottery
and bought a candy house in Paradise.
The bad characters fell into a fiery pit
that suddenly opened in the middle of the suburbs.
The terrible dictator was changed by the power of Love
and freed his people in a ceremony
that lasted for five days
and involved a fizzy drink made from the evil stepmother’s tears.
And the surviving characters lived happily ever after
without any moral ambiguity.